Happy 45th Birthday Shania! - Aug 28

There is little doubt that Shania is the epitome of feminine beauty. She's rich, she's hot, and she's Canadian. She's also the quintessential girl-next-door who happened to make it very big. Here are a few of my favorite Shania pictures. Feel free to use them as screensavers!

Johnny Cash

Wacky Church Bulletins - Jul 28

You've seen them as you drive by a local church. Church bulletins written by someone who doesn't have the best grasp of English grammar. We're all guilty of that I suppose. Without further adieu, here are some howlers I'm sure you'll have fun reading.

Johnny Cash

• The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
• The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water'. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.
• Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
• Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
• Scouts are saving sluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow
• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
• Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

Putting 4L Into a 5L Jug - Jan 25

Here's a little brain-teaser for you. Here's how it goes:

You have two jugs. One jug has a 3 litre capacity (or gallon if you prefer) and the other has a 5 litre capacity. Question: How do you use only these two jugs to end up with 4 litres in the 5 litre jug without guessing?

Give up? Here's Answer #1:

1. Fill the 3L jug first.
2. Dump contents into 5L jug.
3. Refill the 3L jug again.
4. Dump what you can (2L) into the 5L jug.
5. Empty the 5L jug. You should now have 1L in the 3L jug and an empty 5L jug.
6. Pour the 1L that you have in the 3L jug into the 5L jug.
   
7. Refill the 3L jug for the third time.
8. Empty contents of 3L jug into the 5L jug and there you have it. 1L + 3L = 4L

In an equation it would look like 3+3-5+3=4.

You'll need a minimum of six litres to complete this problem provided you have a large reservoir tank to draw from and dump in. Without that reservoir tank you'll need 9L of water. The problem with that is now you have an unacceptable attrition rate of 5 out of the 9 litres - 56% - being wasted (see step 5). There you go: a math quiz PLUS a conservation message to boot.

Here's Answer #2:

1. Fill the 5L jug
2. Pour 3 of the 5L into the 3L jug
3. Empty the 3L jug
4. Pour the remaining 2L left in the 5L jug into the 3L jug
5. Refill the 5L jug
6. Pour 1L of the 5L jug into the 3L jug and there you have it

The equation becomes 5-3+5 with an excess of a filled 3L jug. In an environmental scenario, only 3L would be wasted without a reservoir but you would need to use a minimum of 10 Litres in order to do it this way.

Johnny Cash