Wacky Church Bulletins - Jul 28

You've seen them as you drive by a local church. Church bulletins written by someone who doesn't have the best grasp of English grammar. We're all guilty of that I suppose. Without further adieu, here are some howlers I'm sure you'll have fun reading.

Johnny Cash

• The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
• The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water'. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.
• Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
• Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
• Scouts are saving sluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow
• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
• Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".