Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Wacky Church Bulletins - Jul 28

You've seen them as you drive by a local church. Church bulletins written by someone who doesn't have the best grasp of English grammar. We're all guilty of that I suppose. Without further adieu, here are some howlers I'm sure you'll have fun reading.

Johnny Cash

  • The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
  • The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water'. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.
  • Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
  • Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
  • Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
  • Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
  • For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
  • Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
  • Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
  • A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
  • At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
  • Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
  • Scouts are saving sluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
  • Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
  • The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
  • Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow
  • The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
  • Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
  • Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
  • Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
  • The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".