Wacky Church Bulletins - Jul 28

You've seen them as you drive by a local church. Church bulletins written by someone who doesn't have the best grasp of English grammar. We're all guilty of that I suppose. Without further adieu, here are some howlers I'm sure you'll have fun reading.

Johnny Cash

• The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
• The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water'. The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus'.
• Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale.. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
• Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
• Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
• Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
• For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
• Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
• Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
• A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
• At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.
• Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
• Scouts are saving sluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
• Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
• The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
• Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 p.m. - prayer and medication to follow
• The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.
• Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 a.m. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
• Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 p.m. Please use the back door.
• Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
• The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours".

Use a Torpedo Next Time! - Jun 6

Hello again readers. I'm still on my 'hiatus' but I've decided to break the silence surrounding the recent brouhaha over the 'Free Gaza' flotilla. This video explains it all. As for me, I have nothing but contempt for these 'activists' and all the brainless anti-Semites who crawl out from under their rocks whenever Israel has the audacity to protect its people and its sovereignty.

Johnny Cash

"I am going to make Jerusalem a cup that sends all the surrounding peoples reeling. I will make Jerusalem an immovable rock for all the nations. All who try to move it will injure themselves.
Zechariah 12:2,3

Hiatus - April 26

It's the waning hours of Monday evening and I've got a few minutes before I go to bed. This is to let you know that the Christian Defender will be taking a temporary hiatus until further notice. Don't know how long it's going to be but I have every intention of keeping the X-Def going. I'm working Saturday and Sunday (12 hour shifts) and Monday to Friday is an exercise in trying to balance school and rest. I have no life! *Sigh*

I do have one request though. Whoever is sending those porn links from Japan is an asshole. As you can tell, all your efforts have been rejected so far. So please stop harassing me by sending these ridiculous comments. I'm sure there are plenty of porn sites out there that would appreciate your efforts. This blog is not one of them. So please stop. You're annoying me. Should you continue I will have no choice but to shut down the commenting feature altogether which hurts us all. Jerk!

Mind you, seeing as this blog is basically a one-hit wonder I doubt anyone really cares about the rest of my work. So we'll see what the future holds. Should my schedule clear up and my passion for writing remain I shall carry on posting. As always, the Lord knows best.

Ta-ta for now!

Johnny Cash

Break Out The Chainsaws! - Mar 15

Although they claimed to be wise, they became fools and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images made to look like mortal man and birds and animals and reptiles.
(Romans 1:22-23)

Complete and utter bunch of nutters these 'Earth First' types are. They're not 'out in left field', they've left the ballpark altogether. I've included the tag 'humor' because I couldn't help but laugh at these eco-idiots. The woman bewailing the loss of old-growth trees in a Carolinian forest is priceless. Same for the woman letting loose with a scream at the end. God is to be given the glory for His wondrous creation. Man is not called to worship trees but to take custody of them! Sadly, these 'enlightened' tree-huggers will never understand such simple Biblical precepts.