Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Fear Not - May 7

Two weeks ago, I went for my physical. I had avoided it for 3 years and knew I really should go. So I booked my appointment and by the time I walked out of my doctor's office I had been informed that I would need to wear a heart monitor for two weeks to monitor what seemed to be an irregular heartbeat, an ultrasound of an abnormal thyroid and an ultrasound of a suspicious breast lump. I walked out of the office feeling a little old, and a little scared. We have a rather extensive history of cancer in my family, particularly breast cancer. As I made my way down to the lab for a roster of blood work and an ECG it hit me. The doctor thinks I might have cancer. Now, I am not one for crying in public, but the reality of it brought to mind thoughts of my three little girls growing up without a mom and the tears just came. I couldn't hold them back. I got my blood work and other assorted tests done and sought refuge in the car. I called my husband who offered some supportive responses and then I took a few deep breaths and pulled myself together. The other things I'd heard about didn't scare me like the chance of battling cancer. I sat in my car feeling small and alone and began to pray. God is the only One who is in charge anyways, so I figured I'd cry out to Him. As I sat there just thinking on Him, some words came to me. "Fear not, only believe." God was telling me not to be afraid. I took comfort in that and as I drove home, I thought about those four simple words. "Fear not, only believe." Did that mean I didn't have cancer? Maybe. That longer I thought on it the more I realized that it really held no clue as to my diagnosis. No promises that I would live to see 100. It simply meant that no matter what the outcome is, I don't need to be afraid. No matter what happens, God will be with me and ultimately, I will be with Him in eternal glory. Our God is a God of love, not fear. He loves my children even more than I do. His plan is perfect, and however this turns out, God will take care of His children, whether here, or in the eternity that follows. "Fear not, only believe. " will be alright...I am with you. I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. I will have more results in a few weeks, but God has filled me with peace and joy. I am no longer afraid of what lies ahead of me. God is in charge and He loves me and He holds all things in His hands. FEAR NOT, ONLY BELIEVE. Who am I to argue? I choose faith over fear.


Johnny Cash said...

I'm not sure about this, but I think the Bible repeats the phrase 'Be not afraid' (or some variation thereof) exactly 366 times, one for every day of the year including leap years. I for one will pray for a positive diagnosis. While I have tremendous respect for the medical profession, I find that many of their diagnosis' are for the most part educated guesses. It is nice to know we both carry the ultimate insurance policy. Just trust and believe. Such a simple message, yet one that we need to hear more often. Get well soon Faith Girl and let me know how things turn out. In the meantime I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. JC

Doctor Bulldog said...

Your in our prayers.