Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Fear Not - May 7

Two weeks ago, I went for my physical. I had avoided it for 3 years and knew I really should go. So I booked my appointment and by the time I walked out of my doctor's office I had been informed that I would need to wear a heart monitor for two weeks to monitor what seemed to be an irregular heartbeat, an ultrasound of an abnormal thyroid and an ultrasound of a suspicious breast lump. I walked out of the office feeling a little old, and a little scared. We have a rather extensive history of cancer in my family, particularly breast cancer. As I made my way down to the lab for a roster of blood work and an ECG it hit me. The doctor thinks I might have cancer. Now, I am not one for crying in public, but the reality of it brought to mind thoughts of my three little girls growing up without a mom and the tears just came. I couldn't hold them back. I got my blood work and other assorted tests done and sought refuge in the car. I called my husband who offered some supportive responses and then I took a few deep breaths and pulled myself together. The other things I'd heard about didn't scare me like the chance of battling cancer. I sat in my car feeling small and alone and began to pray. God is the only One who is in charge anyways, so I figured I'd cry out to Him. As I sat there just thinking on Him, some words came to me. "Fear not, only believe." God was telling me not to be afraid. I took comfort in that and as I drove home, I thought about those four simple words. "Fear not, only believe." Did that mean I didn't have cancer? Maybe. That longer I thought on it the more I realized that it really held no clue as to my diagnosis. No promises that I would live to see 100. It simply meant that no matter what the outcome is, I don't need to be afraid. No matter what happens, God will be with me and ultimately, I will be with Him in eternal glory. Our God is a God of love, not fear. He loves my children even more than I do. His plan is perfect, and however this turns out, God will take care of His children, whether here, or in the eternity that follows. "Fear not, only believe. "..trust...have faith....smile...it will be alright...I am with you. I don't know what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. I will have more results in a few weeks, but God has filled me with peace and joy. I am no longer afraid of what lies ahead of me. God is in charge and He loves me and He holds all things in His hands. FEAR NOT, ONLY BELIEVE. Who am I to argue? I choose faith over fear.

2 comments:

Johnny Cash said...

I'm not sure about this, but I think the Bible repeats the phrase 'Be not afraid' (or some variation thereof) exactly 366 times, one for every day of the year including leap years. I for one will pray for a positive diagnosis. While I have tremendous respect for the medical profession, I find that many of their diagnosis' are for the most part educated guesses. It is nice to know we both carry the ultimate insurance policy. Just trust and believe. Such a simple message, yet one that we need to hear more often. Get well soon Faith Girl and let me know how things turn out. In the meantime I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. JC

Doctor Bulldog said...

Your in our prayers.